Meet the Founder

My name is Shivani Upadhayay.

For 24 years, I lived in a freeze state, enduring sexual, physical, and psychological abuse—numb to life, yet yearning for more. One phone call on March 31st, 2022, shattered everything I knew, marking the beginning of an irreversible transformation. My life was finally going to upgrade—something I had only dreamed of but never imagined could materialize. Yet, instead of feeling relief, my nervous system spiraled. I became a victim to the horrors of psychosis, depersonalization/derealization, hyperawareness OCD, and minor hallucinations—on top of lifelong CPTSD and juvenile myoclonic epilepsy.

Moving to Colorado felt like stepping into the heaven I had imagined as a child. But paradoxically, the beauty heightened my dysregulation—forcing me to confront the depths of my nervous system’s unraveling. Through co-regulating touch, my somatic therapist helped guide me back into my body.

This is where Shiva + Tantra’s power to rewire my body, mind, and soul found me. Through self-experimentation with tantric principles—bodywork, neurological shifts, and the evolution of consciousness—and my tantra mentor’s guidance, I found healing beyond the mind and body, bridging into the wisdom of the cosmos.

FAQs

  • Non-Dual Shaiva Tantra (Advaita Shaiva Tantra) is a philosophy that originated in Kashmir, India, teaching that Śiva (pure consciousness) and Śakti (divine energy) are one undivided reality. The universe itself is Śiva’s awareness in motion—a pulsation of divine energy known as Spanda. Unlike dualistic traditions, NDST asserts that liberation (moksha) is not about transcending the world, but realizing that everything—including oneself—is inherently divine.

    This tradition is rooted in the Śaiva Āgamas, the Śiva Sūtras, the Spandakārikā, and the framework of Śiva Tattvas. NDST integrates philosophy, meditation, subtle-body yoga, sensory awakening, and contemplation on reality itself as direct pathways to recognizing divinity in all things, ultimately leading to both worldly and spiritual liberation (jīvanmukti).

  • These sacred texts form the foundation of Non-Dual Shaiva Tantra, offering a philosophical, practical, and experiential roadmap for self-realization:

    • Śiva Sūtras – The foundational revelation of Non-Dual Shaivism, said to be directly received by the sage Vasugupta. These aphorisms describe how Śiva’s consciousness permeates everything and guide practitioners toward awakening.

    • Śiva Tattvas – The 36 levels of reality in Shaiva philosophy, mapping the descent from pure awareness (Paramaśiva) to the material world, showing how the cosmos manifests as a play of consciousness.

    • Spandakārikā – A poetic expansion of the Śiva Sūtras, emphasizing Spanda (divine pulsation) as the core movement of consciousness that gives rise to all experience.

    • Śaiva Āgamas – A vast collection of Tantric scriptures that detail rituals, philosophy, yoga, and practices aimed at merging with Śiva’s consciousness in daily life.

    Together, these texts guide the practitioner in realizing that all existence is inherently divine and vibrating with Śiva’s presence.

  • Following my emergence out of and dissolution into Shunya (the void) model of the cosmos, the universal field of consciousness (Brahman) gives rise to all creations, meaning our soul is a finite fractal subset of the universal set.

  • Reality-Based Disorders™ is a term I coined to refer to psychiatric conditions where the core distress arises from questioning the nature of reality itself—leading to cognitive, perceptual, and existential distress.

    Symptoms may include:

    1. Hyperawareness & Existential Distress – Over-focusing on bodily functions (e.g., manual breathing, feeling one’s eyeballs) or thoughts about existence (e.g., “Am I real?” “Is this real?”).

    2. Memory Disruptions – Gaps in memory or an inability to trust past experiences.

    3. Time Perception Distortions – Feeling time is warped, slowed, or non-linear.

    4. Personality Fragmentation – Experiencing shifts in identity, sense of self, or emotional detachment.

    5. Sensory Distortions – Auditory or visual hallucinations, sensory detachment, or feeling “outside” of reality.

    6. Delusional Thinking – Firmly believing in unreal concepts while struggling to distinguish them from objective reality.

    These disorders blur the boundary between perception and truth, creating profound distress for those affected.

    • Quantum Reality refers to the nature of existence at the quantum level, where particles exist in superposition (multiple states at once) and influence each other through entanglement, challenging our classical understanding of reality.

    • Quantum Consciousness explores the idea that consciousness itself may emerge from quantum processes, suggesting that perception, awareness, and even free will might be linked to the quantum field.

    • Quantum Coherence is a state where quantum systems remain in perfect synchronization—often discussed in vibrational medicine, biofields, and non-dual spiritual traditions as the mechanism by which higher states of awareness or healing can manifest.

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